i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
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It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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