And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
