We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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