YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
