fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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