We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
