I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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