Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
