u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
where are my eyebrows?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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