I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
