I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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