It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
