definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
