finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
