I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
