Christians are straight up FREAKS
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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