Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
