Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
