I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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