i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
