Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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