i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
