I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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