nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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