wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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