so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
