You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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