either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
where am i from again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
