you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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