i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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