allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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