the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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