He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
