im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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