I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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