bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
