And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
