Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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