So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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