I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
