I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
