i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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