he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
