Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize