Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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