He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
