someone owes me an orgasm
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
