Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
