He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
