I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
