living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
