her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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