She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
