She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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