I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
