Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
