if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
