wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
