I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
